TJS S4 Interlude - Ten Days of Teshuva

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The spirit of Tshuva hovers over the world, says Ralph Cook, giving its essential character and driving its evolution. The scent of its perfume refines creation, giving all its capacity for beauty and glory. Oh, Rebunish Olam, give me just a little bit of savor of that scent, because I'm ready to come home. I'm Rav Mike Foyer, and this is The Jewish Story. Season 4, Interlude The 10 Days of Repentance Okay folks, it's game time because if I'm on my production schedule and you're listening to this when you ought to be then we are in the midst of the 10 Days of Repentance that powerful spiritual time between Rosh Hashanah when we crown God King and Yom HaKippurim where we stand like angels in God's presence.

And what I want to do today is just take a few minutes in a bit of a freewheeling style and think about the spiritual avoda, the practice that these 10 days offer. Before we can really even get into that, though, we've got to define our terms. And I'm not talking about the number 10. What I'm talking about is this idea of tshuva, because it is generally translated as repentance, which is, of course, not incorrect. but it's important to remember that repentance is about the adherence to a standard from which I've fallen away. That could be a standard internally, it could be a standard externally, it could mean all kinds of things. Tshuva, however, literally means return, which is a return to one's essential self, a return to a wholeness of relationship, a return to standing in the presence of God.

But even beyond this, because each of those are what I would call restorative. There was a state which I once held, which I've fallen away from, and through the power of repentance and even of return, I'm able to get back to where I was, which is certainly nothing I would disparage. But I want to reach for a slightly different angle here, something a little bit deeper, in my opinion. And I want to say that tshuva is not just about getting back to where I once was, but it's about harnessing my failures in order to become something which I might never have otherwise been. Just think about a vase. You're holding it, you're walking along, all of a sudden, whoops, you trip, and boom. There it is in pieces on the ground.

That was not your intent. The best you can hope for if you're handy and you've got a lot of superglue around is to put those pieces back together in a way in which that vase still serves its original purpose. That's repentance. I was what I should have been, perhaps when I was born, perhaps spiritually when my soul came into existence, wherever you put that marker. And even if you're not one for choosing those external religious standards, you were once what you were meant to be in your innocence and somehow you've become alienated from that self and you want to get back. What I'm speaking about is not picking up the pieces and gluing them back together. What if when you drop that vase you suddenly realize that it could be something else entirely?

That really, when we fail it's not simply a deviation from enforced standards but it's an exposure of the fact that we are only our proto-self and when we return, we actually return to a higher state. We call that evolution. As Rav Kook says in Orot HaTshuva, his great work on this very topic, The world doesn't just stand still. Rather, it is constantly evolving. And the true, full evolution of creation, Of necessity brings a fullness of health, physical and spiritual, and brings the light of the life of tshuva with it. Meaning that tshuva is actually evolution. That when we fail, whether it's in sin against God, the violation of a relationship, or simply a deviation of our expectations to ourself, it's always an opportunity to become something which we could not have otherwise been.

Now, of course, I'm not advocating that people should go out there and do bad things just so they can become better people through it. Don't get me wrong. But I am saying, since life doesn't lack for opportunities to stumble, we should recognize that each one is an invitation to rise higher than we were before. Now, that's a definition that I'd like to work with. Let's think about this time, this interesting 10 days of repentance. Because, of course, the real time for tshuva, whether you think of it as repentance, return, or evolution, is as soon as we come to consciousness of our failures. No good behavior or healthy relationship is going to result from me recognizing I've done wrong, harmed someone in some way, and then taking that recognition and filing it away on my to-do list with a note that says, by the way, take care of this between the first and the tenth of Tishrei.

That's just ridiculous. The moment that I realize I've done something wrong is the moment to act. Nonetheless, there is some special opportunity which this season offers us. Part of that, by the way, is just the season. Never undervalue the importance of context when you're striving to make a change. You have to put yourself in a supportive environment. You have to find people to whom you can be accountable, and even those who share your goals. That is a tremendous aid to growth and change, in building the momentum that's really required to do the monumental work of evolving. Now, that's part of what's happening right now. It's game time. We're all in it together. Tshuva's in the air. And even if you feel like it's a little bit of a sort of set piece conversation when people ask you what you're working on this year, or the topic of repentance comes up at the Shabbat table, nonetheless, don't undervalue the fact of feeling like we're all in it together.

But there's more, there's much more to these 10 days. And the essence of the idea can be found in Isaiah chapter 55, line 6, which says, seek God when he's found call upon him when he's close it's an interesting notion why would you seek someone when they're found calling when you're close I get the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah asks a very simple question so when is God near implying of course there are times which God is near and times which God is not and Rababar Avruah says well that's the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom HaKippurim that's when God's near at least for the individual apparently God is near to the community whenever we cry out then the Gemara goes on and says a fascinating thing, it says well wait a minute there's a story in the book of Samuel which I highly encourage you to read the first book of Shmuel of Samuel 25th chapter, it's a story about Naval now Naval is this guy wealthy landowner, got lots of sheep, and his shepherds sheltered with David and his men when David was not yet King David, but rather was, let's call him, a freewheeling brigand, or bandit, or perhaps even collector of protection money.

Anyway you slice it, these shepherds of Naval had a safe winter up in the hills with David. When the time came for shearing, and the fruits of their labor to be converted into Naval's wealth, David made a request that he get a little bit of return on his investment, and Naval refused. I'm not going to go into the whole story right now. It's really worth reading. But once Naval found out that David had been right on the verge of killing him and all his men, if his wife had not intervened and saved Naval, he dies 10 days. It says that it came to pass about 10 days after that, that the Lord smote Naval and died. And the Gemara says those are the ten days. So look, why ten days? It's because those were the ten days of repentance.

Corresponding it says to the ten meals which Naval actually gave to the servants of David. Why am I mentioning it? Because the word Naval in Hebrew means someone who returns bad for good. Someone who doesn't have that critical human quality of hakarat hatov of gratitude of recognizing the goodness which has been done for us and isn able to pay it back And that a critical piece in understanding what these days are That when the Gemara says that seeking God when God is close, during these 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, fine, I get it, tis the season after all, and we'll look more at that. But it's also telling you, wait a minute, when's God close? God's close when there's an opportunity to have hakarat hatov, to have gratitude.

And the great failure, what it means to actually in Hebrew, to be a naval, is when one does good to you and you don't do in return. Which in the context of this Gemara means don't miss this opportunity. This is the sprint to the finish of the year. Now life is long, please God, but the year isn't. And whatever you're going to accomplish in 5780 is a question of now or never. I may say technically, Mike, the year's already over. It's never. But I'll say back to you, the year might be over to you, but apparently not to God. Because Rashi says on that verse in Isaiah, when it says He says, You seek God when God is found before the complete judgment is passed. When God is still saying, Seek me out. See, look at these 10 days as the sprint at the end of the year, then you have to picture God at the finish line cheering you on and saying, yes, yes, seek me.

You can make it. It's so important to remember that God believes in you, often more than we believe in ourselves, that God wants us to succeed, sometimes even more than we want to succeed, so much so that these 10 days are basically a bonus time. It's a time which is neither here nor there. Somewhere between last year and the next, where God is waiting for us to declare who we truly want to be and to recognize the goodness, not just in what's been done, but in the gift of an opportunity to decide what I will yet do. From another perspective, this time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is when our case is under review. If you're at all familiar with the liturgy of the Machsor, the special prayer book which we use during the days of repentance, during the high holidays as they're called, or Yomim Noraim, the days of awe, which I really prefer.

If you're familiar with it at all, then you probably have read the Unetana Tokif prayer. Heavy, powerful. And you'll know the phrase, B'Rosh Hashanah Yechatevum U'Vyom Som Kippo Yechatevum that on Rosh Hashanah were written, and on the fast day of Yom Kippur were sealed. Like I said, the Unetana Tokif is a heavy prayer, even more so this year, when the question of who will live and who will die, even by plague, is getting a lot more press. But if we want to understand the potential of these 10 days, then we need to unpack just a little bit what it means to move from the writing to the ceiling. That somehow, God sits in judgment, writes down the deen. And I do want to pause one minute and say, whether you picture that literally, or whether you think of it as a metaphor, mythic, spiritual, I don't really care.

Let yourself go into mythic consciousness. Don't hang up on the literalism and feel what it is to stand in judgment while there's a handwriting everything we've done, everything we attempted, everything we intended, and the things which we didn't do as well. So there's a writing down, a journaling, a recording of what is. But then there's a move toward mercy, toward rachamim. Now it's important, and I'm sure we've spoken about it many times, to remember that the word mercy in English doesn't actually bear quite the meaning that it has in Hebrew, rachamim. Rachamim comes from the word, the three-letter root, rechem, which means womb. And it's the ability to hold space for something to come to be. In a sense, judgment is the freeze frame picture.

I remember when I used to work in the woods with at-risk youth, there was a kid I had who broke his teacher's nose in the middle of math class by throwing a glass orange juice bottle at her. You know, and when he went in front of the judge, the judge looks at the kid's age, looks at what the kid did. It's basically a felony assault. The teacher was quite wounded. Says, well, this is what you did. This is what the sentence is. Case closed. That's judgment. It's a freeze frame. I don't want to talk about what came before, how it could possibly be that a child would do such a thing. And I don't want to talk about what's going to come after, meaning what will this kid become once I send him to youth prison?

Because not everyone comes out reformed. A lot of people go in as a miscreant and come out as a criminal. That's judgment. But Rahamim, mercy, compassion, is about contextualizing. That's when the judge says, okay, now I've figured out what the judgment is, but let's think about what the sentence really ought to be. Because there are extenuating circumstances. This kid didn't have a chance. He had a tough home. He didn't have mentors, and on and on. Furthermore, I know full well that if I drop him in that youth prison, he's going to come out as a hardened thug. If I send them to Mike in the woods, maybe there's hope. Mercy is all about contextualizing. It's moving out of that freeze-frame judgment and trying to understand what was and what might yet be.

That's why I got the very important advice that I now will pass on to you from my Rebbe that before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, it's important to take a piece of paper and to write at the top, this is what I am, dot, dot, dot, and write all the good things and all the bad things. And then underneath it, write, and I will be, dot, dot, dot, and write your dreams and aspirations. You know, in my experience, growth and change only really begin when we're able to look ourselves in the face. Too often, we want to shut ourselves, shut our eyes to what we are in hopes that we can just be something else. But the reality is, never forget, if you shut your eyes to what you are, then the last thing you ever look at is exactly what you don't want to see.

You're stuck with some image that you can't honestly engage. So you have to be what you are in order to actually hope for what you will be. And that's the key word. It's a very critical part of this season, hope. And I've shared my definition with you before, but I'll say it again. In my opinion, hope is the belief that what is does not define what will be. Or in this language of judgment and rachamim, freeze frame to context, it's the recognition that there's a context outside of how I judge my life to be. Yes, I'm looking at what I am, but there's a much bigger picture, and I'm, by definition, unable to see it. I mean, a priori, I can't even seek it out because it's bigger than my life. I just have to move forward in recognition of who I am and what I am with the hope that I'll be able to step into that which I have not yet been.

You know, the previous, and last, apparently, Lubav Jarebi explained that verse I opened with, De'yoshua Hashem bi himat'o, kara'u hu biyotakarov, seek God when God is close, and call upon God when God is near. He explained it in a characteristically unusual way. He says that himat'o, which I translated as when God is found, is miloshun mitziah. It's meaning a lost, or actually I should say more properly, a found object. it's a category in Jewish law that if I come across a wallet a pile of oranges I don't know, a stack of grain, anything that it's called a metzia a found object, it creates certain obligations in me it might offer me certain rights finders keepers is not entirely untrue but the Rebbe says in this line in Isaiah of seeking God when God is found is related to a Gemara which he quotes where the sages point out that there are actually three things that come the hesedat.

Three things which come specifically when we're not looking, when we're distracted which is what hesedat means. One of those three is a found object, a metzia. And the Rebbe explains that of course a found object comes to you without any effort. it, you just happen upon it. And he tells us that this should be a great source of hope for this time that lies between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, between the judgment and the sealing of the degree that God's mercy is found specifically here. Because God, of course, knows not only the extenuating circumstances of our past, but sees our potential for the future as well. And therefore, there's a gift, which is here, that God chooses to be close to us, to be found, even though sometimes we don't believe we're capable of looking, just like a lucky penny on the ground.

Now, it's beautiful, but I want to temper it just a little bit, lest this hope for God's compassionate understanding could become a passive reliance upon it. I'm always worried about that. You know, I had a powerful conversation with Rav Yitz Greenberg a few weeks ago on The Jewish Story. It's worth listening to in full. you can find it, I forget it was the previous interlude, you'll find it I think between episodes 2 and 3, but anyway, as we were talking about the tension between Auschwitz and Jerusalem, between faith and despair, not surprisingly, the issue of hope came up. And I offered Reb Yitz my definition, of which I'm actually quite proud, right, that what is does not define what will be, and he liked it, but he added what I see to actually be a critical element, because he said yes, it's true, but always remember hope is a vision which is combined with a commitment and a plan for action.

And this is what will save us from the danger of passivity. It's what maintains that critical sense of agency in situations which might otherwise feel hopeless. We don't have to just fall back and hope that God will save us. Our hope is linked to an ability to act even when we can't see how those actions will bear fruit. You know, it's interesting that one of the other items that comes behesech dot, when one isn't looking like in that Gemara, is Mashiach. The third is a scorpion, by the way, so be careful when you turn over stones. But anyway, the sages say there are three things that come when you're not looking, specifically not. A found object, scorpions, and the Messiah. Because if we took an absolute stance on the way the Rebbe read this verse in Isaiah, it might lead us to believe that we have no agency in bringing redemption.

It's just going to be found. That it only happens, in fact, when we're not looking, so perhaps we should not bother to look at all. That's not how I understand the sages, and it's certainly not how I understand the world. Of course we need to work to bring the Messiah. The key is, though, don't kid yourself that our efforts will of necessity work. The effort required is required of us in order that we become the people we need to be. Redemption is in the hands of God. in a certain way this actually helped me understand a law in the Shuchan Aruch which at first glance always seems strange at best it actually really bothers me in the laws of these 10 days the Shuchan Aruch of the Mechaber Rabbi Yosef Karo says it's a law that an observant Jew doesn't eat bread baked by a non-Jew under many circumstances but it's got a lot of flexibility and the fact is many good people are not careful with it.

But he says, but during these 10 days, even someone who's not normally careful with this law, it's appropriate that they should be careful. Well, what's that? Am I striking a spiritual pose in hope of fooling God? Like really God, I'm much more strict than you may have noticed for the other 50 odd weeks of the year. Or maybe it's like a chance to rack up last minute mitzvah points. Let's squeeze a few good deeds in and maybe I'll tip the scales. I'm not buying it. I think it's telling us something completely different. And it's linked to Rav Yitz's sort of additional piece in hope that action is critical. The truth of a person comes out under pressure. I mean, ask yourself, when the chips are down, do you sprint or do you fold?

Do you pass judgment on yourself that the race is already lost? or do you have hope that you can perhaps make it? You may make an evaluation, but you avoid sealing that judgment until it's really over. And on an even more profound level, I had an experience recently working with someone whose marriage was falling apart. And really, in all honesty, it was all but no fault of his own. At a certain point in the weeks and months as we were working together to figure out how he could possibly hold this situation that had blown up in his face. Everything he was doing just didn't seem to be working. And so I said to him, listen, now your goal switches from success to integrity. You may not finish the race in time.

You may not even make it to the finish line, but you make darn sure your legs are pumping for all they're worth when the whistle blows. Because we have to ask ourselves, when the chips are down, do we pass a judgment that we've failed before it's really over and fold? Or do we start the sprint for the finish? One more brief thought on these 10 days and their spiritual vote because this time is also known as Ben Kesele Esol, between the time of covering and the day of the 10th. It's a definition which is rooted in a verse in Psalms. You can look it up. It's Psalm 81, line 4. tiku vachodesh shofar vakesa liyom hagenu right? blow upon the shofar in this month vakesa when things are covered on the day of our holiday so the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah once again asks when it's trying to figure out when the day of judgment is and the Gemara asserts that it's in Tishrei as we observe it now how do we know that it falls out in Tishrei and it quotes our verse blow a shofar at the new moon, keseh, when the moon is not present, it's covered, at the covered time for our festival day.

Now, it says, what's the festival on which the moon is covered? Ah, that's Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah is the only festival that falls out on Rosh Chodesh, on the beginning of the month, and therefore there is no moon. And then it says, and furthermore, the next part of the verse says, right the statute for Israel judgment of the God of Jacob meaning judgment comes when the moon is hidden that somehow this movement from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur, these 10 days of Tshuva isn't just about the transition from judgment to compassion it's about moving from hidden to revealed Now, on one hand, the link between the hiddenness of God and judgment is fairly easy to understand. When Rabbi Yochanan was sitting on his deathbed and his students gathered around him and said, Rabbi, teach us one last thing so we can come to the world of souls.

He said to them, let your fear of God be like your fear of man. And they said, that's it? Fear of God like your fear of man? He said, sure. Why do you think a thief waits until nighttime in order to break into a house? Because he's afraid people will see him. Meaning if we actually realize that God saw us that we never alone that we always seen then the level of year of all of God presence would never allow us to sin. I mean, just imagine if a judge followed each and every one of us around, everywhere we went. How often would we break the law? I mean, you may be willing to jaywalk, but especially if you live in Jerusalem, you're not going to do it in front of a cop because the consequences will be swift and merciless.

And so, in order that our actions be truly expressive of our intentions and not our fear of punishment, the judge must hide. And it's a deep, deep expression of God's love and trust in us, that God's willing to hide so far away that we might believe that there is no God at all, simply to give us the opportunity for meaningful action. You know, I often reflect when I'm praying that there's a moment in our daily prayers when we speak about how God is going to bring redemption for the sake of God's name and out of love. And then we say, That God is king, helper, savior, and guardian. That's a progression. That God loves us like a king. Well, when God's a king, we're like children. We're nothing before the king.

and that's the love that a parent has for a little baby, which is pure love, but isn't really love of what the baby is on its own. It's love of what it could be and in many ways is the love of myself. When I hold my little baby and I stare those pure, pure eyes, there's actually no independent existence there. At some level, I love my dream of what that child will be. Ozer, when I start to help that child to walk and make its way in the world, it's completely dependent upon me. So I love it a little bit more. him, he is standing on his own two feet, but nevertheless, it's still the love of potential and what I think that child would be. Moshiach, when God is our Savior, think about a teenager. Now, they're standing on their own two feet and going their own way, but we're still there to make sure they don't stumble.

We want to save them, even though often they don't want to be saved. Nevertheless, it is really true that with the life experience that most parents have, we often do know what's best. but we reduce their agency and their individuality because we have a judgment of what they should be and what they should do so that our love is still somewhat reflective of ourselves. Finally, there's my gain. So when God says here, be an adult and now I love you because you're you. And even if you do what's wrong and even if you go your own way, that's going to be painful for me just like I believe it'll be painful for you. But the very fact that I hide myself from you, that I hold back and don't intervene so that you can be your true own person is the deepest expression of love.

And so that hiding simultaneously allows us to have meaningful actions, therefore makes judgment a real thing, and is the deepest expression of God's love. Because then when we do what's right, it's truly because it's who we are and not just because we feel like we're being watched over our shoulders. So there's a hiddenness in God's kingship and God's position to judge that must be so. The moon is not there. There's always a bit of mystery around Rosh Hashanah. But then, ten days later, on Yom Kippur, the judge is no longer relevant. Because we're like angels. We won't eat. Some people don't sleep. We don't engage in the most intimate physical acts. We're wearing white, standing in shul, crying out to God all day long.

not only that, but there's this key phrase which comes out on Yom Kippur, which is held hidden for the rest of the year. Normally when we say, Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokein Hashem Echad, Hero Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one, we follow it up in a whisper saying, Ba Hashem Kavod Machut Deolam Dehed, Blessed be the name of His glorious kingdom forever and ever. There's a tension that we all live in between a deep faith in God's unity and therefore or the reality that the whole world is expressive of one will, and a daily experience that may be nice, but it doesn't seem to be the way it's playing out. We insist on God's unity, but when we look around at God's kingdom all around us, sometimes it doesn't seem to be quite right.

And so we whisper. And the Midrash says that this line, Baruch Hashem Kavod Malchuto Le'on Ved, there's a couple of origins for it, but the one I'm interested in right now, says that Moshe went up on high, and he heard the Malachi Asharit, the ministering angels, said this to God. Because the ministering angels have that almost divine perspective that they're able to see in all the brokenness of the world, in the conflict, in the evil, in the suffering, which is very, very real. Nonetheless, an expression of God's unity. That's hard for most of us. Instead, we live in a world where God is often hidden from the world and we know we'll be judged for our actions, but maybe we'll never actually see in it.

There's so much hiddenness, except on Yom Kippur. When we belt out in a full voice, Baruch Hashem, Kavod, Malchuto, Leolam, Va'ed. When we raise ourselves to the level of angels and we're no longer in the world of judge and judgment, there's only the reality of God and the divine kingdom which is expressive of God's will. Now, what's interesting is that this is a day in which Rabbi Shlomo used to quote the Tzadok of Lublin saying that this is the one day of the year that we can all look at God and say every other day of the year it's my fault God and you can judge me. Today it's all on you. It's all your fault God because look, if I didn't have to eat and I didn't have to sleep and I didn't have physical desires and I could just wear white and stand in shul and glory in your presence all day long look what I would be like but you made me not like this and so God frankly it's all your fault this one day of the year you own everything everything comes from you including my own failures you are God and this is your kingdom all of it from the beginning to the end and so there's the transition here in this time between judgment the hiddenness of God when we actually own our behavior there's a process in these 10 days of moving through of unearthing, of awakening to our responsibility and there's ultimately an ability to stand before God to proclaim blessed be God's glorious kingdom forever and ever and to recognize that all of it, all of it exists within the divine will so these are just a few thoughts that I hope will stir the pot and help you not just repent and not just return but to really evolve to recognize we have an opportunity in all of our failures, particularly when we examine them this time of year, to become the person we have not yet been.

I want to bless everybody listening with a sweet year, with a healthy year, with a prosperous, productive year, and a year in which we're able to see with eyes of flesh the kingdom of God on earth. I want to thank a few people. I want to thank all the folks who give their hard-earned money to help make this show happen. I want to invite you to join them. Season 4 is underway, folks. Put your money where your ears are. You can check out the new rovmike.com website, and you can check out the jewishstory.co website, and you'll see a little button in the upper right-hand corner that says Be a Patron. You can click on that to make a little bit of per-podcast support. Or you can send me an email at rovmikefoyer at gmail.com, or you can personal message me on Facebook, rovmikefoyer, and I'm happy to share with you the details of how you can dedicate a show in honor of someone who's with you today or in the memory of those who have passed.

I want to thank the Land of Israel Network. That's thelandofisrael.com. Creating a platform that allows me to reach so many wonderful people. I want to thank the Pardes Institute, P-A-R-D-E-S dot org dot I-L, for building an educational institution that gives me the privilege of teaching so many fantastic Jews. We're standing strong in the corona season. And I want to thank you for listening. I'm Rav Mike Foyer, and this is The Jewish Story.